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The Story of Washing UP
‘Charlie’ cries the wife, ‘clear the table’ followed by a per functionary ‘please’.
Charlie sighs to himself, oh well anything for a quiet life but I’ll do it in just a moment when I have stopped gazing out the window – anywhere but at her he thinks to himself. 40 bloody years of that harridan, surprised I have not done her in, what was I thinking about, oh I know sex, more sex, well chance would be a fine thing these days.
‘CHARLIE’ the wife says a bit more loudly, ‘are you listening’ in an exasperated tone, ‘ I ASKED you to clear the table,’ she says slowly and carefully enunciating each word as though talking to an idiot.
Charlie scrapes the chair back on the floor as he rises – ‘don’t do that’ she says, ‘it will ruin the chair and makes marks on the floor’. He pushes the chair back a bit harder in a small defiance of her. He picks up the plate front of him and walks to the kitchen. ‘Charlie’ She calls ‘ why don’t you take mine at the same time it would make life easier for you, silly going in and of the kitchen like that, and don’t forget to take the side plates as well.’
Yeh, yeh whatever Charlie thinks to himself and deliberately forgets to stack the side plates and take them out to the kitchen.
‘Charlie you know I like the side plates washed as well, there might be a few crumbs on them’ she advises him gently, reminding him what a clean and proper person she is. He shambles back in to collect the errant plates and stacks them haphazardly on the draining board, then ambles into the lounge to switch on the TV, ah good he thinks just in time to watch the rerun of last Saturday’s match.
There is an audible thump on the dining room table as the wife gets up out of her chair, then marches into the lounge and places her corpulent body in front of the TV blocking any hope of Charlie seeing that amazing drop kick again.
‘Charlie, WASHING UP, NOW’ instructs the wife, sounding for all the world like Charlie’s old Sergeant major from his stint in the army. God, he thinks to himself, if I had wanted to be bossed around I would have stayed in the bloody army.
‘Come ON, Charlie’ she insists, ‘you know I like the washing up to be done straight away and the dishes put away and everything tidied up, what if somebody popped in, we wouldn’t want them to think we were living in a hovel’. Yeh and when was the last time anybody wanted to see you Charlie thought rather viciously. But realizing that any chance of seeing more of the game was blown until the washing up was done, he shambled back into the kitchen; started running the hot tap.
‘No, No’ she says, as she follows him back into the kitchen, ‘get the washing up bowl and put it into the sink FIRST, such a waste of hot water otherwise.’
He gets the bowl from under the sink. ‘now you can run the hot tap’ she instructs,’ and no more than a quick squirt of washing up liquid, this Fairy is so good you don’t need too much and if you use too much it will take so much more rinsing and think of all the hot water that will use.’
‘Hey, stop’ she cries, ‘ you know I like you to do the glasses first, and you had better clear the draining board of the dirty dishes or everything will be confused and a mess’.
He grabs the carving knife off the surface and smiles evilly to himself, just one little stab and all that nag nag nag will go away.
Do you recognize in you the wife or the Charlie when you are with your horse?
Charlie sighs to himself, oh well anything for a quiet life but I’ll do it in just a moment when I have stopped gazing out the window – anywhere but at her he thinks to himself. 40 bloody years of that harridan, surprised I have not done her in, what was I thinking about, oh I know sex, more sex, well chance would be a fine thing these days.
‘CHARLIE’ the wife says a bit more loudly, ‘are you listening’ in an exasperated tone, ‘ I ASKED you to clear the table,’ she says slowly and carefully enunciating each word as though talking to an idiot.
Charlie scrapes the chair back on the floor as he rises – ‘don’t do that’ she says, ‘it will ruin the chair and makes marks on the floor’. He pushes the chair back a bit harder in a small defiance of her. He picks up the plate front of him and walks to the kitchen. ‘Charlie’ She calls ‘ why don’t you take mine at the same time it would make life easier for you, silly going in and of the kitchen like that, and don’t forget to take the side plates as well.’
Yeh, yeh whatever Charlie thinks to himself and deliberately forgets to stack the side plates and take them out to the kitchen.
‘Charlie you know I like the side plates washed as well, there might be a few crumbs on them’ she advises him gently, reminding him what a clean and proper person she is. He shambles back in to collect the errant plates and stacks them haphazardly on the draining board, then ambles into the lounge to switch on the TV, ah good he thinks just in time to watch the rerun of last Saturday’s match.
There is an audible thump on the dining room table as the wife gets up out of her chair, then marches into the lounge and places her corpulent body in front of the TV blocking any hope of Charlie seeing that amazing drop kick again.
‘Charlie, WASHING UP, NOW’ instructs the wife, sounding for all the world like Charlie’s old Sergeant major from his stint in the army. God, he thinks to himself, if I had wanted to be bossed around I would have stayed in the bloody army.
‘Come ON, Charlie’ she insists, ‘you know I like the washing up to be done straight away and the dishes put away and everything tidied up, what if somebody popped in, we wouldn’t want them to think we were living in a hovel’. Yeh and when was the last time anybody wanted to see you Charlie thought rather viciously. But realizing that any chance of seeing more of the game was blown until the washing up was done, he shambled back into the kitchen; started running the hot tap.
‘No, No’ she says, as she follows him back into the kitchen, ‘get the washing up bowl and put it into the sink FIRST, such a waste of hot water otherwise.’
He gets the bowl from under the sink. ‘now you can run the hot tap’ she instructs,’ and no more than a quick squirt of washing up liquid, this Fairy is so good you don’t need too much and if you use too much it will take so much more rinsing and think of all the hot water that will use.’
‘Hey, stop’ she cries, ‘ you know I like you to do the glasses first, and you had better clear the draining board of the dirty dishes or everything will be confused and a mess’.
He grabs the carving knife off the surface and smiles evilly to himself, just one little stab and all that nag nag nag will go away.
Do you recognize in you the wife or the Charlie when you are with your horse?
Are you nagging your horse to do things it knows perfectly well how to do?
